There are always things which you can’t tell your parents. And if you don’t have a sister then it’s never going to be easy. There’s no one who can understand. The only choice left is to keep such thoughts deep down into your heart so that it’s effect doesn’t create an ache to your soul.
All you can do is silently cry to the darkness of the night and help yourself sleep to the rolling tears down to those cheeks that were once kissed with love of a lifetime.