She wasn’t back. Not anymore.

Note: If you had read it’s Part-1, you’ll know the story or else you won’t understand where we are heading.

Here’s the first part of it...

She was back. Again.

PART – II

I’m not afraid to ask you if you missed me. I’m afraid what if you didn’t. 

Or still don’t.

Or never will.

I’m afraid of this heart. 

This, heart. 

That which always remained heavy of the feelings it had for you. When it was all about you. When the world was just another place. When your hair was all I loved. It was all I loved looking at amidst the gentle breezes. They felt like my heartbeats. Moving high up in the air, and being stationary for a while and then falling back at your back.

I’m not afraid to tell you how much I felt for you. I’m afraid what if you already knew and it never really mattered.

I’m not afraid to tell you how much every single word of yours affected me so deep. I’m afraid what if you said it on purpose just to distant me off you.

I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid to cry oceans before you. I’m afraid what if you drown and not die. What if you sink to the bottom and never come back to me. 

I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid of myself.

What if you never, never felt anyhow the way I did. What if you were never really afraid but, you never really cared.

I’m afraid of this heavy heart of mine. I’m afraid it’s vulnerabilities would keep haunting me for the rest of my life.

I’m not afraid to die. I’m just afraid what if I were dead and you, you didn’t die a little with me.

Ahmad_Saiz

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