She lied. For me, she died?
Oh, she lied that she cried.
I didn’t know Love. But, my heart skipped a beat whenever I heard someone even say, “I love her.” Because it reminded me of you. The way you used to tell me through various ways of yours that you loved me. And that you loved my poetry. And that you miss me every time.
And that was when I said to myself, “If there’s anyone I would die missing that would be you.”
On that very night I waited for you to arrive. You didn’t answer to my calls nor even to the texts. And I was worried about you because you left in a haste.
After striking my eyes on to the screen for over a score minutes, I saw your texts in quick successions. You said you were going to sleep and asked me to take care. Just that. I felt a slight abruptness in my heartbeats the moment I felt where I was. And I was nowhere. Not in this body and I could not feel anything. The weather was chilling my skin and the oceans in my eyes put all of their thrust to obligate a drop to fall off my eyelids to make me feel that I meant nothing to her. But, I did not let that happen.
I felt bad. Really bad. But, I did not know why.
I asked myself, “Who is she to you?”
“The one I’d die missing.”
I consoled my heart saying, “You are important to her. More than any other person in her life at this age. She has no idea you were waiting. Maybe.”
I knew that. I knew that she didn’t know. But, this heart of mine. It craves for her presence. It craves to listen to her voice. It craves to listen to sweet words from her. It wants her to miss me the way I miss her.
I don’t remember if anyone ever endeavoured to make me smile. An attempt that would have made me feel loved. A kiss through the phone. A virtual hug. I don’t think someone would have ever stalked my pictures ever. I have no idea how does it feel like being desired, being wanted and being close to anyone as much as their own heartbeats.
Nobody ever wanted to touch me mistakenly as we crossed our paths. Nobody.
Nobody has ever asked me out. Nobody has ever stood there and waited for me to turn back and have a look at my smiling face. Nobody ever waited for me to come online. Nobody.
Nobody ever told me I looked handsome in that dress on that particular day. Nobody ever smiled at me like it’s the end of the world. Nobody. Nobody ever.
I don’t remember the last time someone called me- ‘best friend’.
I don’t remember the last time someone made me feel like a ‘friend’ even.
I don’t remember if anyone ever loved me.
it just never happened with me.