Feels of My Touch

He is at a point in his life where even the slightest of touches to his emotions will make him break down. Right there. He won’t be able to hide his vulnerabilities there after. He has become non-sustainable to feelings. Any longer. He might have survived the fall but, he is no longer his usual, dynamic self. He had already been hurt too much. He had received hatred and humiliation at the hands of the people he loved unconditionally with no expectations in the back of his mind at all. He was blamed for all the wrongdoings and was left alone to suffer the further disgrace. He was emotionally scarred at his heart by the person who showed him a way to love after all of the sufferings. He trusted her with all of his feelings he saved for someone else. She promised to love him like no other despite knowing the truth. His truth. And one fine day, this person no longer felt the way she once used to. Just a plain_ ‘Not anymore’. And after all these years, you, who of all the persons he was confident of never leaving him, left with a blot on his character, a blot of not being trustworthy, of not being enough. Just that.

And he was sad, all over, once again. All these sarcasm games that he plays, these jokes that he conveys, these smiles and laughters he adds to his mischief, are all fake. He sends his existence miles away from the person who pushes him away when he asks, “What is wrong?” He doesn’t want to be humiliated any longer. He retorts to any suffering, any pain, any hurt. He takes himself away from them. Just that.

And do you know what is worse, he convinces himself that it’s not their fault, it is he, who is unlovable. That he doesn’t deserve any bit of it. He says these things to himself each day because he knows, he so much knows, that ‘love’ is not the sole saviour_ loving is.

Are you the one?
Are you the one?

_Saiz

8 thoughts on “Feels of My Touch

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      1. Your writings are deeper like oceans. I don’t have perfect set of ideas of how should I let you know about what you have written. Sometimes we don’t have words but our emotions do justice for our thoughts. Being hurt or broken inside is chosen for us. And that’s how we become more close to Allah swt. It gives us chance to stand once again for those even whome we love and yet we know they don’t! I think (he) should remain the way he is rather to change for others.
        ” Jab ham apni khahishon ko rokte h aur Allah ki makhlooq Se Allah ke liye mohabbat krte h to Allah hame usse kahi zada ata krte h”
        Keep writing keep shining
        May Allah bless you.

        Like

        1. And your words are so heartwarming. This is exactly what my heart craves to listen to. Thank you so much Uzmi. May Allah reward you in both the worlds. I hope you are well and doing fine. Stay blessed.

          Liked by 1 person

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